Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
