The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
