yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
