If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize