you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
