Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
