just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
