getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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