i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
