I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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