I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
