Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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