even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
love makes seman taste better
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
