Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
