Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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