i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
