i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
