um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
