I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ruined the universe
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
