Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
