I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
