I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
