If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
