i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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