i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
