It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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