PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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