after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
