but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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