Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
