They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
