Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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