OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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