My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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