nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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