I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
