Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
