if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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