yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
