Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A+ Viking dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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