Plan B is the new Plan A
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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