...so i touched it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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