I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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