Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
