I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
