I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
