Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
May the power of my ass compel you!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
