pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im part way to drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
