i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
