I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize