You just made me feel so damn special
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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