I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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