my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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