you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize