AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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