can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
