Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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