and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
