The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
