well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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