broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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