It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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