i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
