i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
