yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
