everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
