I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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