Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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