drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
