At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
